Goodbyes
December 31, 2006
I’m sitting at Uganda’s Entebbe Airport waiting to board a flight to Kenya to see Josh & Audra for two days. They left this morning to drive back to Nairobi –13 hour driving to Uganda, but apparently, they did it back to Nairobi in 11 ½ hours this time. They will pick me up at the airport tonight. I don’t think we’ll be doing any wild New Years parties tonight.
Jon & Cher took me out today to see the source of the Nile where it comes out of Lake Victoria. We didn’t have much time, so just looked at an area of several rapids and small waterfalls. I wanted to do a white-water river rafting trip earlier this week, but it didn’t work out where Jon or Josh could go with me, so I decided not to go. I don’t like traveling alone, and even doing things like that alone lose some of their potential enjoyment for me now. I’ve done enough by myself. I don’t want to anymore. Anyway, I didn’t feel like I needed to be doing things on this trip, no matter how much I talked about wanting an adventure. I didn’t want to make an adventure happen.
I’ve said goodbye to family so many times in my life. Sometimes it’s easy. In some ways it is getting harder now. We are getting older. We aren’t invincible. Anything could happen. I was fine until I said goodbye to Jon who came inside with me and said those words: “I don’t know when I’ll see you again.” Then it hit. Maybe years. Maybe never. My siblings & their spouses are my best friends. My mom is my best friend. I have best friends who aren’t blood too. If goodbyes are so painful, why do I continue to put myself in a place where I’m always saying goodbye and always feeling alone? Often I just shut down when it’s too painful. Walk away before they do. That’s much better.
In the big picture of life, what is more important? A job? Family? Friends? Living overseas has been a dream, even an obsession of mine. Take that away from me and you’ve taken away part of my soul. If I had my own family it would be different. Saying goodbye would still be hard, but I’d have part of my family with me. If only. I feel so sad right now.
I’m sitting at Uganda’s Entebbe Airport waiting to board a flight to Kenya to see Josh & Audra for two days. They left this morning to drive back to Nairobi –13 hour driving to Uganda, but apparently, they did it back to Nairobi in 11 ½ hours this time. They will pick me up at the airport tonight. I don’t think we’ll be doing any wild New Years parties tonight.
Jon & Cher took me out today to see the source of the Nile where it comes out of Lake Victoria. We didn’t have much time, so just looked at an area of several rapids and small waterfalls. I wanted to do a white-water river rafting trip earlier this week, but it didn’t work out where Jon or Josh could go with me, so I decided not to go. I don’t like traveling alone, and even doing things like that alone lose some of their potential enjoyment for me now. I’ve done enough by myself. I don’t want to anymore. Anyway, I didn’t feel like I needed to be doing things on this trip, no matter how much I talked about wanting an adventure. I didn’t want to make an adventure happen.
I’ve said goodbye to family so many times in my life. Sometimes it’s easy. In some ways it is getting harder now. We are getting older. We aren’t invincible. Anything could happen. I was fine until I said goodbye to Jon who came inside with me and said those words: “I don’t know when I’ll see you again.” Then it hit. Maybe years. Maybe never. My siblings & their spouses are my best friends. My mom is my best friend. I have best friends who aren’t blood too. If goodbyes are so painful, why do I continue to put myself in a place where I’m always saying goodbye and always feeling alone? Often I just shut down when it’s too painful. Walk away before they do. That’s much better.
In the big picture of life, what is more important? A job? Family? Friends? Living overseas has been a dream, even an obsession of mine. Take that away from me and you’ve taken away part of my soul. If I had my own family it would be different. Saying goodbye would still be hard, but I’d have part of my family with me. If only. I feel so sad right now.
posted by LuAnne at
3:14 PM
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